Behind Every Great Woman

There's a secret that many of us women over 50 are aware of, a secret I was very happy to share with my companions in their 30's and 40's recently (seen in hats), a secret so wonderful that we grin and enjoy it like kids with a secreted stash of Halloween candy. At the risk of writing platitudes, the secret is pretty simple: acceptance and celebration of the reality of who we are. I keep encountering examples of this, and with it, a powerful support by women for each other's individuality.No place is this more evident than at the many art nd craft shows I have the great fortune to attend.

At the "Style at Stern" show in Palo Alto, CA this past weekend, women of all ages (but mostly close to my age) gathered, often in pairs or threes, to view and purchase wearable art, clothing and jewelry designed and made by individual artists. It felt like one giant party, with women trying on pieces, commenting to one another, swapping and sorting, adorning and experimenting, and more than anything else, celebrating the joy of expressing themselves through adornment. We were all there: with wrinkles and sags, stories and histories, some in wheelchairs and some in stilettos, some grey, some blonde, some botoxed, some crunchy, generations and girlfriends. But everyone - everyone!- was there to acknowledge individuality, and it was pretty overwhelming.

I met the designer Chris Triola and immediately fell head over heels with her presence, her clothing, and her ethos. Her clothing is fluid and graceful, comfortable and intriguing, easy to wear yet interesting to look at (very 50/50, yes?). It was no surprise to me to read her artist statement, "The clothes I design are clothes for creative women. They’re ‘doing’ clothes… things to wear when you’re writing, buying, selling, making, driving, thinking… and they don't impose. You shouldn't even know they’re there." Clothes for real women.

At the TEDWomen's conference last year, Madeline Albright stated, "There's a special place in Hell for women who don't help other women", and I was reminded of the statement as I watched women designers and women shoppers experimenting with clothing outside the norm ,as I longed for my long-distance best friend to share the experience with, as I sensed the great comfort so many women had in the presence of others, as the wave of support rolled over the room. Behind every great woman is...another great woman, and at all ages but particularly 50+, we are lucky enough to be aware of that.

Phone Sex

I have a few friends with whom I engage in what we lovingly refer to as "phone sex". No, not that kind; but art phone sex. When we come across some great art that we are dying to share with one another, we send a photo or a link, comment back and forth, and jump on the phone to look at pictures together - you know, the next best thing to being there!

It is not that we are looking for approval from one another. Once upon a time that might have been the case: "Should I buy this?" and "What do you think?" have given way to, "Look at this cool thing I've fallen in love with" or "Boy, this isn't my taste but I think it has your name all over it".

Take this rolling head, for instance, by Bruce Chapin. I met Bruce at the Smithsonian Craft Show last month and instantly was attracted ( OK, I admit it, to him, and) to his work. After examining each and every piece, and determining jointly that he was not about to leave his wife and run off with me, I knew that while I was not going home with Bruce, I could not go home without this rolling head. It just totally spoke to me. Then I sent the photo to one of my best friends in California along with a link to Bruce's site. Within moments, my phone was ringing and the phone sex began. The conversation was excited, intimate, and spontaneous. She wanted me to check out other pieces and describe them to her, inch by inch, crevice by crevice. See why we call it phone sex?

This whole experience wouldn't be possible without camera phones and the Internet. But it also wouldn't be possible without having reached a point in life where my friends and I are confident about our likes and dislikes, and equally confident about expressing them. Phone sex, the literal kind, is all about knowing what turns someone on and simulating that over the phone. Sounds fun, right? Art phone sex is not so different and differently provocative. And, as with the wearing of cowboy boots at a certain age, has a hefty dose of , "This is what I like and how I like it - take it or leave it".