Should I Be Wearing These? (Reprise)

A few things happened today which returned me to musing about style and aging. In the Sunday New York Times, two very different style icons, Dominique Browning and Keith Richards, commented on their unique personal styles and the issue of age- appropriateness. And, in addition, I whipped out my swashbuckler boots, only to wonder whether I might be too old for them.

Browning dealt with the issue of long hair and older women. We all know those television commercials showing sexy desirable women with long, swinging, shiny hair, the kind that is promised to us if only we use the right products. Yet, the target audience with the most disposable income for self pampering, “mature” 50+ women, is told(as Browning noted) that it is inappropriate to hang on to this symbol of desirability, that it is inappropriate for successful or established or – let’s just face it – older women to flaunt their tresses. Is it the association of sexuality with long hair that is supposed to be quashed or the association of witches with long grey tresses which is to be avoided? Either way, I don’t get the taboo, and wholeheartedly support Browning in her determination not to go the “sensible” route (even though I, personally, can never achieve that long swinging hair, given my birth gift of a mop of curls).

And as for my boots? They are a few years old, radical when I purchased them, and interestingly are very much in style this fall. With the advent of the first fall rain, I pulled them out for a jaunt around San Francisco, wondering if now that young women were wearing similar styles, might I be perceived as too old for these? It’s a curious thing about fashion, how once a style is adopted by the young it appears to be young. And what are we “mature” women of style to do? Ignore the trend? Move on? Or embrace the notion that as long as we are comfortable with ourselves, we can and should wear what we choose? That flaunting style and sexuality is actually OK for a woman over 50?

I would like to believe that in some small way I am giving other women who see me the courage to dress as they want, not as they think they have to. The number of “great boots” and “where did you get them?”comments from women young and old which I received today certainly let me know both my boots and I were noticed and admired. I don’t expect to be the fashion icon my 22 year old daughter is; frankly, I am no longer that interested in fashion. But I also do not expect to be banished to some preordained style for the mature, a dry, uninteresting , and unnoticed place.

Curly Girls

I have to admit that I was thrilled to see Michelle Obama sporting a curly hairstyle at the state dinner last night. Yes, it is presumptuous of me to assume that Michelle (may I call you Michelle?) has had internal battles about her hair, but anyone born with naturally curly kinky hair has had that internal battle, that "I hate my hair" sentiment. And clearly, Michelle has chosen for the most part to have gone on the defense and fight as hard as she possibly can against that with which she was born.

I did the same thing for many years. My ninth grade school photo shows me sporting straightened hair with a center part, all carefully shellacked in place. It took so much work, but I believed at the time that it was worth it, that having straight hair would help me fit better into the world, would make me more popular, more lovable, more desirable. No more labels of "brillo head" for me; straight hair would be my key to confidence and success. That mythology kept me out of swimming pools for years, and slave to miserable nights sleeping on hard oversized hair curlers.

One fateful summer day I had enough, and decided to plunge into the ocean with my friends, let my hair get wet, and live with the unruly consequences. My boyfriend of the time didn't quite know what to make of my transformation, but I didn't care. I had jumped off the straight hair dock forever.

The funny thing is that my curly hair became a definer - a positive definer, in fact - for me. In the late 60's and '70's, everyone wanted my hair, or so they said. And throughout my corporate years, my curly hair, though short and tidy, remained for me a reminder of individualism. When I let it grow to its current unruly length, it was a conscious move, a move meant to express my comfort with being me as well as a symbol of my arty side - and I've never looked back. The fact that I am a devotee of hair salons that cater to curly hair has a lot to do with there finally being a club which I was meant to join!

Who knows if Michelle Obama is truly embracing her inner curly girl, or if perhaps, for one night only, she was just trying her on. But I was tickled to see this photo of her, and I imagine a lot of other girls and women were, too. Hell, if Michelle can make it OK to be tall like your husband, to wear clothes that show off your body, to eat healthy foods, to be a great mom, to speak your mind, and to let your curly hair be itself, what a great message of self-esteem she is sending!