A couple of years ago I badly, desperately wanted to be in love. After the end of 33 years of marriage, I wanted love again, wanted to know I could love and be loved and raced into an exciting relationship the moment my separation was formalized. I thought I was in love. I was. But the emphasis on badly and desperately clouded my vision and emotions and led me to behave in ways which, in hindsight, I regret. I do not regret any of the experience as it helped me learn a lot about myself and I had many wonderful moments, hours and days.
Since then, I have continued to bump along on the road of love, learning more, loving some, and finding myself in a very different place now - less obsessive, more aware of what is going on with ME and what I want, more aware of signals being sent to me and listening to them.
And so, here I find myself having just brought to the end another promising start with another interesting man because the relationship was not right for me. I saw pink and red flags and paid attention (as opposed to the way I behaved 35 years ago or 3 years go or one year ago.) It's not about whether he is a good man or not (and I believe he is) or if I am a good woman or not (and I believe I am), but whether who we are now, who and how we show up TODAY, is who the other wants to be with. And no fantasy of all the wonderful things we COULD do together or who we wish the other might be can replace the here and now.
Sing it girls.
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