Last week, a man I'm pretty crazy about posted on Facebook that he had just had a glass of wine with "one of the most interesting women I (he) had ever met". He was not talking about me.
After I got over my momentary pang of jealousy, I got to thinking about the interesting women I have met recently, and there have been many. In fact, since my separation, I have been meeting an extraordinary number of incredible people, men and women, and it's gotten me wondering about friendships: how and when they're formed, and how and when we are open to them.
I have two best friends, the best friends any one could ever hope for, (one of whom I am pictured with here), interesting women who I have known and loved since my 20's. Together, though often in different cities, we have lived through birth, death, heartbreak, joy, extreme illness, and extreme fun. Our connections are deep and irreplaceable. Through the 33 years of my marriage, these two women remained my best friends and still are, and I made only a handful of other truly close friends.
Since I've been on my own, though, I have met and rapidly formed close friendships with so many more women . Just yesterday I had lunch in NYC with a new friend I had met in Boulder two weeks ago. As soul sisters, we had connected immediately, and I know that I will know her for the rest of my life. And a similar thing keeps happening wherever I go. It's not that I am suddenly less discerning, nor that I am just imagining these bonds with interesting women. The reality is that I am more open to new relationships, more willing and ready to reveal myself and connect with new people than I had been while married.
So, while I too, could post on Facebook that "yesterday I had lunch with one of the most interesting women I have ever met", I prefer to celebrate this new friendship, bask in the glow of this new bond. Maybe it's a guy thing to need to compare and rank people, or maybe it was just a woman thing to read comparison into that original FB posting, but regardless, I think about welcoming interesting people into my tribe. In addition, I also realize that should I ever end up in a committed or long term relationship with a man in the future, I will never again turn off that part of me which is open to connecting with new people and forming new close bonds. There are just too many interesting people in the world to get to know and enjoy!
So true Lisa - I have a few girlfriends that I have been friends with for years - I truly value them - we have been thru it all together!
ReplyDelete"Pretty crazy" about a man in a relationship with you who'd post something like this? Crazy, yes, but there is nothing pretty about it. And your pretending to be okay with this crappy treatment, while posting for his benefit...yech.
ReplyDeleteWow, Eleanor, while I am glad you are reading this blog, I am afraid you have made some pretty big assumptions - about the nature of my relationship with my friend, about what I am "putting up with". I am not aware of putting up with any crappy treatment, but rather am trying to explore the nature of relationships, woman to self, woman to woman, woman to man, in this post-marriage time in my life. My posting is for my benefit, and with any luck, will strike a chord with others.
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