Thursday, May 6, 2010

Who Am I ?

I would have expected that by the time I reached my 50's, I would have stopped questioning who I was. In fact, all through my 40's it was easy to label myself: mom, successful executive, and wife. You know, Superwoman. I gravitated toward books and stories about women who were trying to have it all, trying to do it all, often feeling that those books were written about me. I felt that while I looked good to the outside world, I was never filling any one of my roles perfectly, thus failing. So, in actuality, I knew who I was: Flawed Superwoman.

I certainly knew how to dress as MVOS (My Version of Superwoman) with a closet filled with Prada shoes, Donna Karan staples, a little Dries Van Noten, and Anne Demeulemeiester. With the perks of frequent business travel to Europe, you can fill in the rest.

Then, in rapid succession, many changes happened in my life: my long-term position at Eddie Bauer came to a crashing halt; I left my dream home in Seattle (ooh, that kitchen!) and moved my family to California; I left the fashion industry; my kids left for college; I turned 50, and with that the inevitable hormonal changes; and I realized that the thin ice under my marriage was truly broken. The changes only continued, with a healthy dose of death, illness, success and therapy thrown in.

As a person who uses clothing as a form of self-expression, my wardrobe changes have mirrored the journey of self-discovery. I no longer have the income which can support my closet of years past, but more importantly, I am no longer dressing the part of some preconceived role. No more Superwoman. No more fear of what "they" will think (whoever "they" are). Just me. So if I feel like wearing my motorcycle boots with a dress, I do.

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